Apologetics as conversation

Listening first

James puts it simply: "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger" (James 1:19). Matthew Henry adds, "The worst thing we can bring to any dispute, is anger" Matthew Henry. Proverbs warns that the one who "answers a matter before he hears it" earns only folly and disgrace (Proverbs 18:13). Listening is not the time to choose our reply. It is the time to find out what the other person is really asking.

Behind every question is a person. The question why God allows suffering sounds one way in a philosophy class and another at a funeral. Martha met Jesus with grief: "Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died" (John 11:21); and at the tomb, "Jesus wept" (John 11:35). A question born of pain needs someone to weep with the one who weeps before it needs an argument (Romans 12:15). On the road to Emmaus, too, the risen Jesus first asked the two disciples, "What are you discussing so intently as you walk along?" (Luke 24:17), and only when he had heard them out did he open the Scriptures to them (Luke 24:27).

Asking as Jesus asked

Jesus often answered with a question. When an expert in the law asked about eternal life, Jesus replied, "What is written in the Law? … How do you read it?" (Luke 10:26). On the way to Caesarea Philippi he asked who people said he was, and then, "But what about you? … Who do you say I am?" (Mark 8:29). Theophylact notes that after hearing the opinion of others, "He asks them what was the belief of their own minds on this point" Theophylact. A good question moves a person from what others think to an answer of their own.

Francis Schaeffer, in The God Who Is There (1968), described one way of asking Francis Schaeffer, The God Who Is There. Everyone, he held, lives in a tension between what they believe and the world they actually live in: someone may hold that all is chance, yet live by love, justice and meaning. Schaeffer would press gently on what he called the ‘point of tension’, helping the person see where his starting points lead if followed to the end. He likened it to taking off a roof that had sheltered the person from the real world. Because it hurts, he said, it must be done only in love, and it must be followed by the gospel. At L'Abri, the community he and his wife opened in Switzerland, he spent long hours listening to the questions of those who came.

Timothy Keller, in The Reason for God (2008), treats doubt from both sides Timothy Keller, The Reason for God. Believers, he argues, should not hide their doubts but wrestle with them honestly, and a faith that has done so is the stronger for it. Sceptics he invites to notice that their doubts too rest on beliefs of their own, and to weigh the reasons for those beliefs as well. Both men show the roads of this course used together in real conversations (Reformed epistemology and the cumulative case).

Knowing when to answer also takes wisdom. Proverbs sets two sayings side by side:

Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be like him. Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he become wise in his own eyes.

Proverbs 26:4-5

This is wisdom, not contradiction. We do not answer mockery with mockery or anger with anger, yet we do not leave a foolish idea to think itself wise. It is a word about how to answer, not a licence to call anyone a fool. "We are to fit our remarks to the man," writes Matthew Henry Matthew Henry. Sometimes the wise answer is none: before Herod, who hoped to see a miracle, Jesus "gave no answer" (Luke 23:9). And when we do not know, we should say so. "The secret things belong to the LORD our God" (Deuteronomy 29:29). To say that we are not sure and will find out together earns more trust than any single argument.

With gentleness and respect

Paul writes to the Colossians:

Act wisely toward outsiders, redeeming the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

Colossians 4:5-6

As Matthew Henry says of our words, "Though it be not always of grace, it must always be with grace" Matthew Henry. The Lord's servant "must not be quarrelsome, but must be kind to everyone" (2 Timothy 2:24), and he is to correct opponents gently. John Wesley comments, "He has often need of zeal, always of meekness" Wesley. It is God who grants repentance, so that people "come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil" (2 Timothy 2:26).

So the fruit of a conversation is not in our hands. "I planted the seed and Apollos watered it, but God made it grow" (1 Corinthians 3:6). We pray before we speak and after. Paul asked the Colossians to pray "that God may open to us a door for the word" (Colossians 4:3). Since it is the Spirit who opens hearts, we can speak faithfully without the burden of having to win.

Ending with the gospel

Apologetics leads at last to the gospel, because the one who stands at the end of the cleared road is Christ. Paul reminds the Corinthians of the gospel "in which you stand firm" (1 Corinthians 15:1) and sums it up:

For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that He was buried, that He was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures

1 Corinthians 15:3-4

And as ambassadors for Christ we plead, "Be reconciled to God" (2 Corinthians 5:20). For the questions people ask most often, fuller answers wait under Questions: Does God exist?, Why does a good God allow evil?, Did Jesus really rise from the dead? and Is Jesus the only way? Reading one of them together with a friend can itself be a good conversation. For first steps in sharing the gospel, see Sharing the gospel in the New Believers course.

This course began with these words, and it ends with them:

But in your hearts sanctify Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give a defense to everyone who asks you the reason for the hope that is in you. But respond with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who slander you may be put to shame by your good behavior in Christ.

1 Peter 3:15-16

We have walked many roads and weighed arguments and objections, but the beginning and the end are the same: Christ set apart as Lord in the heart, a reason for our hope given to whoever asks, with gentleness and respect, and a clear conscience and a good life behind the words. Read the first lesson, A reason for the hope, again. It will read differently now.

Practice