The fifth commandment: honour

This week's questions

Which is the fifth commandment? The fifth commandment is, Honour thy father and thy mother; that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.

Question 63

What is required in the fifth commandment? The fifth commandment requireth the preserving the honor, and performing the duties, belonging to everyone in their several places and relations, as superiors, inferiors, or equals.

Question 64

What is forbidden in the fifth commandment? The fifth commandment forbiddeth the neglecting of, or doing anything against, the honor and duty which belongeth to everyone in their several places and relations.

Question 65

What is the reason annexed to the fifth commandment? The reason annexed to the fifth commandment is, a promise of long life and prosperity (as far as it shall serve for God's glory and their own good) to all such as keep this commandment.

Question 66

Last week closed the four commandments on our duty to God. From the fifth on, the Catechism teaches love of neighbour, beginning at home.

Honour in every relation

The commandment names father and mother; Question 64 widens it to "their several places and relations", and the Larger Catechism calls its scope "those duties which we mutually owe in our several relations" Q. 126. It explains that father and mother here mean not only our natural parents but all who are above us in age and gifts, and especially those whom God has set over us in the family, the church and the commonwealth Q. 124. Parents and children, rulers and citizens, employers and workers, church officers and members, teachers and students: all stand within this commandment. Question 64's proof text gathers them into one verse:

Treat everyone with high regard: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.

1 Peter 2:17

Equals are not left out: "Outdo yourselves in honoring one another" (Romans 12:10), and "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" (Ephesians 5:21). The Heidelberg Catechism gives the reason for such honour:

That I show all honor, love, and faithfulness to my father and mother, and to all in authority over me; … since it is God's will to govern us by their hand.

Heidelberg Catechism, Q. 104

In Question 65's first proof text Jesus rebukes those who escaped caring for their parents by calling their goods a gift to God (Matthew 15:4-6). Jerome, who put the Scriptures into Latin at Bethlehem, comments: "Honour in the Scriptures is shewn not so much in salutations and courtesies as in alms and gifts" Jerome. Honour means caring for parents grown old and frail. Korean homes have long prized filial devotion, and Scripture too calls children and grandchildren to "show godliness to their own family and repay their parents" (1 Timothy 5:4). From the cross Jesus gave his mother into the care of the disciple he loved (John 19:26-27). Christians do not lay filial love aside; in Christ they receive it more deeply. Ancestral rites are treated in Can Christians take part in ancestral rites (jesa)? Luther's Small Catechism, which counts this the fourth commandment, asks that we "give them honor, serve, obey, and hold them in love and esteem" Small Catechism.

The promise of Question 66 is not a mechanical guarantee: the words in brackets say so. Deuteronomy adds "that it may go well with you" (Deuteronomy 5:16), and Paul repeats the promise to Christian children at Ephesus (Ephesians 6:2-3). When a faithful believer dies young, the promise has not failed; God blesses in the way he knows is best.

Both ways, and the limits of honour

Question 65's next proof text shows that duty does not only flow upward. Ezekiel rebukes shepherds who fed themselves instead of the flock, left the weak without strength and ruled with harshness (Ezekiel 34:2-4). Paul tells fathers, "do not provoke your children to wrath" (Ephesians 6:4), tells masters to "Give up your use of threats" (Ephesians 6:9), and calls rulers God's servants for the people's good (Romans 13:1-7). The Larger Catechism requires superiors, among much else, to love, teach and protect those in their care Q. 129, and counts among their sins "leaving them to wrong, temptation, and danger" Q. 130. The last proof text binds every duty into one debt: "Be indebted to no one, except to one another in love" (Romans 13:8).

Honour has limits. Children obey their parents "in the Lord" (Ephesians 6:1), and the apostles answered, "We must obey God rather than men" (Acts 5:29); the Larger Catechism and the Westminster Confession speak of obeying "lawful commands" Q. 127, WCF 23.4. So honour never means covering up abuse. If you are being harmed by a parent or a spouse, a church leader or someone over you at work, do not bear it alone. Seek help from someone you trust, from your pastor and from trained services, and make yourself safe first. That is not breaking this commandment.

How far Christians may resist unjust rulers is debated. John Calvin gave private persons no right to resist, but held that officers charged with checking kings are faithless to the people's liberty if they allow oppression Institutes 4.20.31; the Scottish Reformers pressed the thought further. In 1934 the Confessing Church in Germany, at Barmen, confessed Christ as God's one Word and refused the state's claim on the church Barmen Declaration. Many other Christians put first Peter's call to bear unjust suffering in Christ's steps (1 Peter 2:18-23). See also How should we live?

To ponder this week

Whom has God set over me, beside me and under me this week, and what honour or duty do I owe each one? Pray for them one by one, by name. If your parents are growing old, begin with a call or a small help; if someone is in your care, with a word of thanks.

Practice